Chocolate Minted Vanilla

You learn from those lessons and become hard; jaded and cynical, just like them. Then they judge you, label you and tell you to let it go, that “Life isn’t a bed of roses but you shouldn’t be doing that”.

“It is written.”

Lots of things have happened in recent months. People have come and gone. Complete strangers have come and gone; some have become close friends, some have become mere acquaintances, one I’ve fallen in love with. Tried to make sense of some of the things that have happened; they became even more confusing instead. “You need to not be in control,” he said to me, after I’ve had a bit too much to drink. “Accept it.” Sure he was just talking about the alcohol, but it’s something that has stuck with me all these time. Meeting him brought back Paulo Celho into my life. Re-read The Alchemist and everything clicked into place.

Maktub, which means it is written, makes so much sense to me now. Everything that has happened happened for a reason. I may not have known the reasons why they happened when they did, but I see them now. Learnt to let go, learnt to accept things as they are and as they happen.

Truth be told, it’s extremely hard to let go sometimes. I’ve been in control so much my whole life, letting go seems like the hardest thing to do when the fear that if I do, everything will go awry takes over. For one thing, letting go of my feelings for him is really hard to do. He and I, we have so much in common. We listen to the same things, have the same sense of humour, have the same “I’d take one for the team just because” attitude; it’s like he’s my soulmate. It’s strange then, how I feel we will never be together because of this: because we’re so similar we’re different. Yes, it’s all really confusing. Love is confusing, this much I’ve come to realise. Or maybe it’s because I’m a girl and we’re wired to think too much.

For now, I’m just sitting on this crazy train, travelling along this journey and dropping off at whatever stop it stops at. Who knows, maybe he and I will be together someday, maybe not. Maybe I’ll achieve my dream, maybe not. Whatever it is, I’ll accept it.

(Source: cocominted-vanilla)

Someday, I’m just gonna wake up one morning and think that none of this is worth it. When that day comes, there’s no turning back. No amount of apologies will make me think twice about my decision; No amount of appreciation will change my mind. When it comes, all I’m hoping is that whatever I’ve done so far is enough to leave behind an impression. 

(Source: cocominted-vanilla)

Letting the elderly lady alight first; all you get is a glare from her and a “tsk” from the passenger behind you. Waiting for the housewife to pass and carrying a basket full of groceries; takes her own sweet time and glares at you as she passes. Trying your best at work and smiling even though it’s hard but it makes you feel better; seniors belittle you and think you’re not serious. Helping others; get ignored once you help them until they are desperate again.

Such is life.

(Source: cocominted-vanilla)